Legal Support??????? Any Support?????

There are times when you sit and wonder why people prefer to remain ignorant to the pain & suffering of those who have been sexually assaulted. I am finding out more and more everyday that we are so ignorant that we don't even classify sexual offenses properly. As survivors/victims how do you think we feel? What does this say about how society views these crimes, or our pain? How can we turn to the law, why should we turn to the legal system if they can't properly define & classify sexual offenses. We live in a society that is enraged when a life is taken, enraged when property is stolen yet ambivalent when someone is sexually assaulted. I am not implying that we should be enraged when a life is taken or when something we've worked for is stolen but isn;t someone's sense of security, their innocence, soul, happiness, joy, etc equally as important? Isn't it worth ensuring they are given justice & support? Sexual abusers are takers - they take from us, they take from society, they rob us of a chance at a completely happy life & still society excuses them, stands by them & prefers to give them the benefit of the doubt at our expense. What a sad world we live in. Survivors of sexual assault live everyday with the scars left by their abusers. They live with the new wounds inflicted by family friends & society daily. They take it all - carry it all and get nothing in return for it. No-one to support them, no one to listen to them, no one to understand by them. SO much is expected from us. So much is continuously taken from us. No one considers the ramifications of their actions. Becuz they come 1st. Their feelings, their wants, their needs trump ours. So much responsibility on our shoulders. I wonder whether ppl believe that we should after all we have been through be able to carry anything. We need support, we need the listening ear, we need someone to help with the load we are carrying.

Commentary

The battle to be heard is a constant one for a survivor of Sexual Assault. Our voices help us feel a bit more in control. We have been silent for so long that not many realize how much speaking up/out helps. Silence is what has helped hurt us more all these yrs. I think it ridiculous when ppl say get over it. Look how far you've come. Don't let him ruin your life. etc - Who are you to tell me to get over it. Until you've walked in my shoes you are in no position to set a time line on my recovery. Yes I've come far inspite of what was done to me- when you stood back & did nothing to help. That doesn't mean I am not struggling with the aftereffects. Don't let him ruin you. When that was happening & for years after I was alone. A part of me has already been ruined. I, on my own, am trying to piece myself back together. I am not sure what ppl think Sexual Assault is. Sexual Assault isn't something that you walk away from unscathed. No, pieces are broken, parts are taken. We work for years to find our way back. I find that ppl do nothing to help us- they blame us for what was done to us; they silence us & then... & then they turn around and have an opinion about the state/length of our recovery. How does one refuse to believe us, but then tell us when to get over something that didn't happen. HMMM isn't that a tad bit crazy. This is a particularly angering day - all the contradictions, all the ignorance, all the threats, all the guilting, all the sacrifice. What for - so that you, those who haven't been abused/assaulted get to walk around freely commenting on something you know nothing about. You think an individual.(man/woman) is raped and society blames them, asks them if they want to report anonymously. You wonder why should they be blamed, or made to feel shameful. A child( boy/girl) is abused & then the parents do nothing to protect, they again silence them & make them feel shame. One is left to wonder, what has to happen for us to no longer be shoved into silence & shame. What has to happen so the abuser is dealt with? What has to happen so that the abused are protected & supported? How much worse does it really have to get. Currently the stats on Sexual Assault are horrendous; child abuse is ever present in the lives of our children, men and women are constantly being raped yet we prefer to be blind to what is happening around us.

The Nature of the Beast.

Silence. Be Quiet. Don’t say those things. Keep it to yourself. You are embarrassing the family. Shhhh don’t tell anyone what he did to you. Why are you out to destroy him, ruin his reputation? These are but a few of the lines that abuse victims/survivors hear on a constant basis. For many of us one if not more of these lines were recited over an over to goad us into silence and for a long time many of us complied. Even when we don’t hear those things it is implied and so we keep Silent and Suffer. When we aren’t pushed into to being Silent we are Blamed for what was done to us against our will. Why was your dress so short? What were you doing at that bar? How many drinks did you have? You went out with him- you  must have seduced him. You started he was all into it, you can’t say no after. You wanted it. You liked? And the list continues. Society has continued to Blame the Abused over the years because it appears beyond the realm of thought that we were the innocent parties that we did nothing but were assaulted. It seems that to accept that Sexual Assault is something that happens on a constant basis is outside the common realm of thought. I am not sure when we became a society that excused the behavior of those who took advantage of the innocent but it appears that is where we are now.

I have found that no matter how many women I speak to, no matter what race, age, class,etc. they all have one thing in common. They were all told - Don’t tell, remain silent. This damages more than we will ever be adequately to explain or anyone will be able to quantify. Requesting/Demanding our silence only serves to reiterate what our abusers told us - That no-one will believe,no-one will care, no-one will do anything. By keeping us silent you allow them to walk freely, you allow them to continue abusing others; you send them the message that what they are doing is ok-that it is acceptable once it remains quiet. You send us the message that we are not worth protecting, that we did something wrong, that we have something to be ashamed of. You break whatever innocence is left in us, you erode our sense of trust in people, you destroy our sense of self-worth, of self-image, of happiness. At that moment and for very long after our sense of identity, of belonging is lost. SO many of us look in the mirror and can’t marry the image with who we are; so many can’t look in the mirror. We are left afraid of our shadows and bit by bit what we fought so hard to bury starts coming back full force - you’re being punched and kicked by horrible memories in every direction. Anyone who has been sexually assaulted is left feeling vulnerable and alone, so much is taken from us in that instant; and believe me it’s not anything we ever get back. We turn for support and there is none; instead we are blamed, we are left alone to stand and deal with what has happened & what continues to happen. We are asked to understand and excuse their actions. We expect that people will understand that no woman/man/child asks to be assaulted. Do you think one walks around asking to be sexually assaulted? It appears that is where the common thought lies; what other explanation could there be for everyone’s actions. 

I want those of you who have been victimized to know that you are not alone. I want you to know that you have done nothing wrong. That what happened wasn’t your fault and contrary to popular actions & comments, you are not culpable in any of this. I know that for sometime know you have been told to BE QUIET to REMAIN SILENT, TO PROTECT YOUR ABUSER, TO REFRAIN FROM SHAMNG THE FAMILY - I am saying that it is ok to speak up; that part of recovery is releasing the secret, releasing their hold on you. We have suffered in silence for so long. It’s a hard road back- recovery isn’t easy but 1 day at a time, 1 baby-step at a time and you will make it. Know that no matter where you go or where you are, there are a family of survivors always with you, supporting you. Through time and understanding we learn how to deal with what was done to us; we learn to pin-point our triggers, to address the issues that have arisen because of what we went through. Through time we begin to love ourselves, to see the beauty in who we are, we learn that we are stronger than we ever believed, we learn to accept compliments and to believe that we are worthy of all the good things life has to offer.  Time will not heal all wounds but it will make the road to recovery easier; it will help you to start regaining control over your life. The hardest part of recovery I think, is accepting/acknowledging what was taken from you,what was done to you and coming to grips with the fact that people/family/friends didn’t support you, protect you or help you. Don’t give up on yourself.  

The Journey

Part of our journey through Childhood Sexual Abuse is about coming to terms with the fact that more wasn't done to protect us. That those who should've protected us didn't. When we start letting go of the illusions that we created we begin seeing things more clearly. It will be painful because much of what you see know is what you've been running away from for so long. There are days when it seems that you've had everything ripped from you. Sit & try to regain composure- no one can take anything from you anymore. Childhood Sexual Abuse leaves us feeling tiny and incapable of control. You are in control now. Take it 1 step at a time. Begin too see you happy & whole. You'll get there. We are not beyond hope. It feels that way alot of the time. But healing takes time. It takes time to change all the perceptions we created of others & ourselves. It's changing our mode of thought. Be patient, you will get there. Don't let the past dictate how you live in the future. Much of what we have been through & been taught was negative-devaluing-damaging. We now have the chance to teach ourselves to love who we are, to believe that we are worthy & deserve better lives that we started out with. Childhood Sexual Abuse isn't understood by many who haven't lived it- its along road to recovery but its a road that you can walk.

PROSAF

We want you all to know that we are happy that you have joined us onhttp://www.prosaf.org/; but we want this site to be not only for us and our journey to recovery & happiness but also about you and your journey. We have our ideas on what this site should have but we welcome your thoughts on what you want from us. What you would like to read. So please feel free to post and let us know your thoughts. The SSAITCO tab deals with Sexual Assault & the TTPO tab deals with ThePower OfOne. Any questions or comments can also be sent to ssaitco@hotmail.com . Thank you for joining us. PROSAF is your chance to speak up & out, to find support & resources, to find family who understands what u've been through & what you are going through. We value your input, we want it - let us know what you want us to include on the PROSAF site.

You are not alone.

The Beginning - Our Future

It’s a little over a year since the creation of the “Surviving Sexual Abuse in the Caribbean” Facebook and the power of one page https://www.facebook.com/pages/PROSAF-Surviving-Sexual-Abuse-in-the-Caribbean/165341356853908 / https://www.facebook.com/pages/PROSAF_ThePower-OfOne/167808243298256?ref=pb and about 8-10 months since the creation of the twitter pages- http://twitter.com/#!/PROSAF_Sueezzy / http://twitter.com/#!/VelikaLawrence .We have recently invested and created our own website http://www.prosaf.org/ . PROSAF - Positive Reactions Over Secrets And Fear; was created to give survivors the chance to share their stories in a supportive environment.

The creation of these sites meant having to face the fact that I was sexually abused by my older half brother, It meant understanding that I would have to face the comments and judgments that came with this decision to speak up and out about my past and how it has impacted me and continues to affect me. It meant coming to grips with the fact that society is quicker to absolve and believe those who abuse that to support and believe those who are being/have been abused. It meant understanding the grave epidemic that affects out country-sexual assault is more common than we are willing to  believe and more common than statistics show. Sexual Assault is one of the most under-reported crimes an contrary to popular belief it isn’t about sex but about power & control over another human being.  In the end the decision to do it all was worth it. There is a large part of me that feels liberated and free for taking the opportunity to do this- a chance to let other survivors know they are not alone; that we are a family of survivors, that there is hope for the future.  

I knew when I left college that I wanted to find a way to change our circumstances in St.Lucia. I wanted to actually stand up for women’s rights, for their right to freedom, to voice their opinions, for their rights to be seen and treated as individuals who are worthy, to fight for their right to be treated properly. I think speaking out allows us to take a step in the right direction; we are no longer holding onto this secret, we are no longer protecting our abusers. Speaking out also allows you to voice what happened, to face it, it helps break down some of the illusions you created that you so desperately needed to get through your horrible times. Addressing the issues that arise with Childhood Sexual Abuse, Rape & various forms of Sexual Assault isn’t easy but it is necessary. 

I fooled myself into believing that I could shut the door, not address and it would just go away but that hasn’t been the case. I can tell you that the issues that arise out of what we have been through don’t just disappear, it takes hard work and time to get through it. At some point we have to be honest with ourselves and face the harsh realities of what has been done to us. I have found that in order for us to heal we have to face it, we have to address it. That is what these sites were created to do; to give you a safe place to voice what happened to you, how you felt, how you feel, to give you the chance to be surrounded by people who went through the something similar and to be able to get resources that can help.

PROSAF- Positive Reactions Over Secrets & Fear is comprised of  2 sections SSAITCO-Surviving Sexual Abuse in The Caribbean and  ThePower Ofone created by Velika Lawrence- below she explains in her own words what ThePower Ofone is.  ThePower Ofone refers to the idea that each individual and each single family unit are capable and have a responsibility to each other, and to society as long as they are existing. Growing up under circumstances where I found herself having to adapt and move forward constantly in changing environments, I recognized that most of my peers did not have the aptitude that I did. I was fortunate enough to have parents who were committed to educating my siblings and myself  in age appropriate methods, about life and its many challenges and harsh realities. I realized that most people I grew up with did not have the advantage of understanding the value of perspective and reality, with the option of various tools for coping with emotions and facts. I have found that the majority of people in our communities are complacent and feel comfortable with being apathetic and irresponsible. This attitude and approach to life in general does promote the overall quality of life. The goal of ThePower Ofone is to encourage a more progressive perspective in all communities. There is a great need for all forms of education at all levels and ages and a need to redefine the responsibility of ever member of society; starting in the home.

The idea behind PROSAF- Positive Reactions of Secrets & Fear, was to educate, empower, support & inspire all to make change, to seek change and to understand the need for change.  Over time we have grown  connected to the triumphs over challenges faced in the family & our daily lives because of our experiences. Dealing with the feelings of fear, confusion and anger, self worth were a huge part of the steps to move forward. We have found that in seeking support from others, we came into contact with many others who have suffered similar experiences. This motivated us to be part of the change we wanted for ourselves and for others who are still trapped physically and psychologically. PROSAF is our contribution to the steps to move forward through challenges faced by the family unit and the effect of sexual abuse on a victim or survivor.