How GOLDEN is SILENCE?

For so many reasons we chose to remain silent. Initially the silence is forced on us; by our abusers, then our family, friends, society. We chose to remain silent because we are afraid, because we want to please those around us, to fall into the normal rules of our society. But then it happens and you begin to embrace the silence; you begin to realize that the choice to speak is yours. You begin to learn that you have a voice and that you can use it whenever you want. Bit by bit you start sounding the words out, so much of it sounds strange, but you begin to recognize the strength in your words. When the time comes you begin to shout out about your pain & suffering, you share what helped you get through the many years in forced silence; THEN when you're ready, when you marry the voice with the image - you share your story. The SILENCE that was forced on you for many years doesn't have to destroy you. Your CHOICE, Your VOICE, Your DECISION.

What you Deserve

Silence has for sometime been our cloak of necessity. We have for some time had no option but to keep everything that was done to us to ourselves. We have had to suffer in silence alone, fearing the repercussions if we told. We no longer have to be silent, we no longer have to keep their secrets. There is nothing to feel ashamed or guilty about. Sexual Violence is not something you brought upon yourself, it was not something you chose, it was not something you enjoyed (even though at times your body may betrayed you), you were not an active participant in your assault. Take the time to congratulate yourself for surviving, for making it through each and everyday with all that you were carrying. Don't be hard on yourself for your coping mechanisms, you did what you needed to help you survive. It is not time to move from survival mode to a journey to healing. The coping mechanisms you used in the beginning that are unhealthy begin to replace with more healthy alternatives. Find you voice and let you voice be heard. Speak what you have wanted to for years, release your pent up feelings and begin to put yourself first. Believe that you are worthy of a life that is happy, believe that you deserve better than the hand you have been dealt. YOU ARE BRAVE, WORTHY & STRONGER THAN YOU REALIZE. Celebrate Sexual Assault Prevention & Awareness month with us. FIND YOUR VOICE. USE IT TO PROPEL YOURSELF TO GREATER HEIGHTS. BEGIN YOUR HEALING JOURNEY.

Trust & Abandonment

To many those two words don’t carry much weight. We hear them and ascribe the normal meanings to them. Trust defined as being able to place confidence in or rely on someone, a belief in someone or something. Abandonment the relinquishing, withdrawal, discarding, disowning of someone or something. These two words may not conjure up any images or feelings for the typical individual. For survivors/victims of sexual violence; these words do the opposite; they bring back painful memories, emotions and thoughts.

For many survivors they remember the trust they had in the individual who violated them. They remember relying on that individual, believing in them and at times confiding in them only to have them take advantage of you. Survivors of sexual violence very often have a problem trusting people in the future. Many question how they can ever trust again, why should they after being hurt repeatedly. Abandonment issues run deep with survivors. For many they were either abandoned prior to the sexual assault leaving room for the abuse to occur or they were abandoned directly after. Many survivors aren't supported when the choice is made to break their silence. Many are faced with rejection from those closest too them, many are forced into silence to ensure their hurt and pain doesn’t shame the family.

The lack of Abandonment and Trust follow survivors into adulthood and their adult relationship’s as many aren’t able to seek the help/ support needed. In order for a survivor to be given a chance at a more healthy life there needs to be more aid and support. The issues that arise from being abandoned and having one’s trust broken need to be addressed. The issues that arise out of one having suffered sexual violence are lasting, they follow a survivor from the moment the act is committed until it is address. Facing the issues and acknowledging how one has been affected after being sexually assaulted is the 1^st step. The road to recovery is not without more pain but the end result is worth it.  Let us begin the healing process.

The Ambiguity of the Attack

How many times have you sat back and wondered whether you had just been sexually assaulted? For many the question of what happened and whether you were in part to blame leaves them feeling very confused about where the blame should fall. So let’s clarify a few things; (1) you never cause anyone to assault you, (2) by saying NO, no matter whether you shout it or mutter it, if he continues then it’s rape, (3) fighting back or failing to, doesn't mean that you wanted it, (4) having gone out with the individual and him having spent money on you doesn’t make him entitled to your body, (5) participating in any sexual act prior to a rape or sexual assault doesn’t mean that you gave consent. Many survivors have been told by their abusers that they were in some way culpable in the act, they someone brought this upon themselves and ultimately wanted to be sexually assaulted. Understand that when your abuser or some ignorant individual tries to place the blame on you they are giving you abuser an excuse. Know that these phrases and comments are disclaimers aimed at diminishing your memory and feelings of what happened.

Many men will blame you for the sexual assault by trying to insinuate that you didn’t do enough to stop them or did something to lead them on. It is an intimidation factor, a way to silence you and make you question your judgment. Violent Sexual Acts against women is a problem too many are faced with. It is scary to think that we have a greater chance of being raped than of falling victim to many other crimes. We live in a culture, that not only makes rape jokes but stands with the abusers. We embrace the rape myths in an attempt to reduce the effects of what occurred. I will keep reiterating that your clothing, your level of intoxication, your relationship, your actions do not allow for you to be forcibly attacked or penetrated or for it to be ok. The Ambiguity that you feel is a bit of denial that you have fallen victim to this crime. We are hard on ourselves; why didn't we see the monster that sat with us, how could we be so fooled? RAPIST is not written on anyone’s forehead, there was no way you could’ve known.                         

We, at PROSAF, have acknowledged that may survivors feel a great sense of ambiguity about the their sexual assault; many are unsure what happened, how it happened so quickly, and whether they brought it on themselves. Violence against women is never ok, it is huge problem within St.Lucia and the wider Caribbean. We are here to educate and validate your feelings about your assault. Trust yourself and your feelings. We are always here to listen and if you are not ready to come forward but need a listening ear feel free to contact us. Sexual assault is something that happened to you, it, does not define you. You are worthy of love and happiness. You are a strong, beautiful, intelligent woman who has suffered a trauma through no fault of your own. You are not guilty of any crime, something was done to you against your will. Always remember that you are not alone, that you have nothing to be ashamed of. We are taking the baby steps necessary to make it better for all. KNOW YOU HAVE A SUPPORT GROUP IN PROSAF.

On 14^th February 2013 we will be hosting the ONE BILLION RISING EVENT in the Derek Walcott Square from 12-5pm. The ONE BILLION RISING EVENT is a global event taking place all over the world on that day. The event is aimed at taking a stance against violence against women. We ask that you join us in this fight. Come stand with us, not only as a survivor but as someone who knows someone who has been violated, or someone who sees the need for a change in our culture. Stand for those who are too afraid, rise for those who need our help. The attitude towards violence against women on  island needs to change, that can only happen with your help. 

We can be contact by via the information below:

Email:ssaitco@hotmail.com - thepowerofone_v@hotmail.com

Telephone: 1-758-724-9991(sue)1-758-723-6466(vel)

Face book:

PROSAF- Surviving Sexual Abuse in the Caribbean 

PROSAF_ThePower OfOne

Twitter: 

@Prosaf_Sueezzy

@VelikaLawrence

Website: 

http://www.prosaf.org

Violence Against Women - One Billion Rising

Violence against women is an epidemic plaguing the world. Women are raped, tortured, molested, sold, beaten, KILLED on an hourly basis and we all seem to turn a blind eye to the hurt and pain they are enduring. It seems that so many have come to condone and accept that women will be ill treated and discarded at the discretion of the male gender. We hear the constant incidents of rape, assault, murder, threats and we are still able to blame the survivor. What did you do to cause this? How did you lead him on? How many more victims do we have to add to the current statistics before we acknowledge the problem and take action to change?

Violence against women has been a problem for many years. It appears that although times have changed, the way the woman is viewed and treated has not. Condoning the actions of a rapist, molester, batterer make you an accessory to the crime. Looking the other way makes you as guilty as the one committing the crime. We have to let go of the common phrase that it is not my business. Our human right is to be safe and secure in our bodies, your human duty is to protect those around you from being used, ill-treated and abused. We expect that someone would aid us if we were being attacked so why are we not willing to do the same for others? Why is it so easy to blame the victim and assume the assault against her was her vault? Why are we not asking her abuser what made him believe it was ok to force himself on someone who said no, laid still and didn't react, fought back, said no, please stop, when did it become ok to force and threaten someone into submission? Why is that never one of the 1^st questions asked of the one committing the assault? Why is his character not attacked? It is baffling that after a sexual assault, a survivor comes forth, and they would be blamed for causing this heinous act against themselves. NO-ONE ASKES TO BE VIOLATED.

We, at PROSAF, have acknowledged that violence against women is a problem in St.Lucia and the wider Caribbean. We are here to begin the metamorphosis that is desperately needed. We are always here to listen and if you are not ready to come forward but need a listening ear feel free to contact us. Sexual assault is something that happened to you, it, does not define you. You are worthy of love and happiness. You are a strong, beautiful, intelligent woman who has suffered a trauma through no fault of your own. You are not guilty of any crime, something was done to you against your will. Always remember that you are not alone, that you have nothing to be ashamed of. We are taking the baby steps necessary to make it better for all. KNOW YOU HAVE A SUPPORT GROUP IN PROSAF.

On 14^th February 2013 we will be hosting the ONE BILLION RISING EVENT in the Derek Walcott Square from 12-5pm. The ONE BILLION RISING EVENT is a global event taking place all over the world on that day. The event is aimed at taking a stance against violence against women. We ask that you join us in this fight. Come stand with us, not only as a survivor but as someone who knows someone who has been violated, or someone who sees the need for a change in our culture. Stand for those who are too afraid, rise for those who need our help. The attitude towards violence against women on  island needs to change, that can only happen with your help. 

We can be contact by via the information below:

Email:ssaitco@hotmail.com - thepowerofone_v@hotmail.com

Telephone: 1-758-724-9991(sue)1-758-723-6466(vel)

Face book:

PROSAF- Surviving Sexual Abuse in the Caribbean 

PROSAF_ThePower OfOne

Twitter: 

@Prosaf_Sueezzy

@VelikaLawrence

Website: 

http://www.prosaf.org

The Journey

The sexual assault of women is an issue faced by many worldwide. Many focus on the heinous sexual assault crimes, and ignore the incidents they believe aren’t jaw dropping enough. I speak for all survivors when I say that any story we have to tell is valid and important to us. Every story is significant and powerful to the survivor, every story has impacted that person’s life in ways you will never be able to fully understand. Seuxal assault is not something to be trivialized or sensationalized; it is a very real and damaging thing that has happened to many men and women around the world.
Last year many of you joined us in our endeavor to make St.Lucia a better place for survivors. We want to thank you all for participating in the study. We understand that it was and is difficult to address this issue and so for those of you who wanted to help but were not ready we also understand. We never want anyone to feel pressured to help or unhappy because they are not ready to speak up. Sexual Assault is a very taboo subject in St.Lucia, for a very long time it was a topic that was never discussed and as such, many of you have buried it and been silenced for so long that speaking about it is scary. We understand, it took us, Velika and myself, a long time to come forward with our stories and so we know what you are going through. We at PROSAF are going to continue to help survivors. We are going to continue to work towards making it better for survivors of sexual assault on island.

The journey to healing from sexual assault is not by any means an easy one. We have started a rape support group and would like those of you who are willing and ready to start to contact us. We are always here to listen and if you are not ready for group but need a listening ear feel free to contact us. Sexual assault is something that happened to you, it does not define you. You are a strong, beautiful, intelligent woman who has suffered a trauma through no fault of your own. You are not guilty of any crime, something was done to you against your will. Always remember that you are not alone, that you have nothing to be ashamed of. We are taking the baby steps necessary to make it better for all. KNOW YOU HAVE A SUPPORT GROUP IN PROSAF.
We can be contact by via the information below:
Email:ssaitco@hotmail.com - thepowerofone_v@hotmail.com
Telephone: 1-758-724-9991(sue)1-758-723-6466(vel)
Face book:
PROSAF- Surviving Sexual Abuse in the Caribbean
PROSAF_ThePower OfOne
Twitter:
@Prosaf_Sueezzy
@VelikaLawrence
Website:
http://www.prosaf.org/

Sexual Assault - What Is It ?????

How many times have you asked the question was I just sexually assaulted? How many times have you thought, this doesn't feel right but were unsure of what just transpired? There are the blatant overt acts that we all know of as sexual assault but it is the ones that receive less attention that leave us questioning whether or not we were actually sexually assaulted. “Sexual Assault and abuse is any type of sexual activity that you do no agree to, including: inappropriate touching, vaginal, anal, oral penetration, sexual intercourse that you say no to, rape, attempted rape, child molestation. Sexual Assault can be verbal, visual, or anything that forces a person to join in unwanted sexual contact or attention.”(Womenshealth.gov) So many don’t know where to turn when unsure as to whether or not they have been victimized. If it feels wrong then it probably was, trust your instincts, trust your judgment, you know when something feels wrong.

Sexual Assault is very difficult to deal with and address. Knowing whether or not one has been violated makes taking the next step easier. I have found that in St.Lucia we are not all aware of the various forms of sexual assault. We have been told to fear those we don’t know and to be on the look out for the male abuser. Sexual Assault is usually perpetrated by someone known to you, and while the larger majority of sexual assaults are perpetrated by males, females can and do commit sexual assaults. We ask that if you are unsure whether you were sexually assaulted, that you contact us and ask any questions you may have. Part of what we are trying to do is not only raise awareness and provide information but to educate and provide support. We know that many are concerned with confidentiality and we want to reiterate that with us you need not be concerned about that. We are attempting to provide services desperately needed but not found in St.Lucia. We have started a rape support group and are opening it up to anyone who would like to seek aid on their healing journey. Many feel that they are alone on this journey, you are not sadly many around you are dealing with the some of the same things you are. Sexual assault has the distinct nature of making survivors feel alone, ashamed and guilty; we at PROSAF are here to let you know that while we can’t turn back the hands of time we can help make the future brighter. Suffering in silence is no longer the only option. Maya Angelou said” There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” You have been through enough, take the time to start moving forward and start healing. We have started conducting the second part of the study and welcome all who want to participate; we understand the strength it takes to come forward and share your story, we also understand that you may not be ready to take that step; know that we are here and that you have support. We are working  to make it better for you, for St.Lucians.

Sexual Assault is something that was done to you, you are not defined by it. There is hope for a better and brighter future. You can contact us even if you are not ready to participate in the study and only want to talk. We are here. You are not alone. We know Christmas is coming up and this can be a difficult time for some; feel free to reach out to us.