Where do you stand?

Who stands with us? Who fights for us? I find more and more than no one stands up for us and we are the only ones that can fight for ourselves. I guess one of life’s lessons is that you should learn not to expect anything from anyone, always be willing to stand up for yourself and fight for what you want. History has shown that our families remain silent; they treat our abusers like welcomed family members; they support them and care for them while we stand alone wondering what we did that was so wrong that we would be abused, that we would have our lives forever altered, that we would now have to deal with all the issues that arise because of what we have been through. With all of that on our plates we turn around and notice that we are left standing alone, our immediate family has chosen to pretend it didn’t happen, or to blame us for it, or to guilt us into silence. Our extended family is equally stupid in behaving like what we went through and what we continue to go through is water under the bridge; that we deserve to constantly have to see their love and concern towards someone who hurt us so deeply and feel their hatred and disappointment if we decide to speak out. I have come to notice that having family believe or stand with you is the rare exception.

I always thought that in many cases you had to have gone through it to understand what we have to deal with. I know this is a heavy remark to make and I am sure there are those who haven’t been through it or witnessed it that are able to respond more adequately to the situation. I would like to know how many of you with children would allow someone who has been previously accused of sexual assault into your homes, into your children’s bedrooms? Is it ok because it  happened to us, because you can’t fathom the damage done that he should be accepted and in many ways chosen over us? I don’t know how many of you have dealt with this situation or anything similar but it puzzles me as to how we divide who considered falls into the pedophile, creepy relative/friend file and who gets to walk around freely unpunished for their crimes. DO we react differently when it is our children who are hurt. But history has shown that not even that makes a difference. SO the question is what will it take to make things better, what will take to make people realize how detrimental all of this is. It affects us all whether we know it or not.