How many times have you sat back and wondered
whether you had just been sexually assaulted? For many the question of what
happened and whether you were in part to blame leaves them feeling very
confused about where the blame should fall. So let’s clarify a few things; (1)
you never cause anyone to assault you, (2) by saying NO, no matter whether you
shout it or mutter it, if he continues then it’s rape, (3) fighting back or
failing to, doesn't mean that you wanted it, (4) having gone out with the
individual and him having spent money on you doesn’t make him entitled to your
body, (5) participating in any sexual act prior to a rape or sexual assault
doesn’t mean that you gave consent. Many survivors have been told by their
abusers that they were in some way culpable in the act, they someone brought
this upon themselves and ultimately wanted to be sexually assaulted. Understand
that when your abuser or some ignorant individual tries to place the blame on
you they are giving you abuser an excuse. Know that these phrases and comments
are disclaimers aimed at diminishing your memory and feelings of what happened.
Many men will blame you for the sexual
assault by trying to insinuate that you didn’t do enough to stop them or did
something to lead them on. It is an intimidation factor, a way to silence you
and make you question your judgment. Violent Sexual Acts against women is a
problem too many are faced with. It is scary to think that we have a greater
chance of being raped than of falling victim to many other crimes. We live in a
culture, that not only makes rape jokes but stands with the abusers. We embrace
the rape myths in an attempt to reduce the effects of what occurred. I will
keep reiterating that your clothing, your level of intoxication, your
relationship, your actions do not allow for you to be forcibly attacked or
penetrated or for it to be ok. The Ambiguity that you feel is a bit of denial
that you have fallen victim to this crime. We are hard on ourselves; why didn't
we see the monster that sat with us, how could we be so fooled? RAPIST is not
written on anyone’s forehead, there was no way you could’ve known.
We, at PROSAF, have acknowledged that may
survivors feel a great sense of ambiguity about the their sexual assault; many
are unsure what happened, how it happened so quickly, and whether they brought
it on themselves. Violence against women is never ok, it is huge problem within
St.Lucia and the wider Caribbean. We are here to educate and validate your
feelings about your assault. Trust yourself and your feelings. We are always
here to listen and if you are not ready to come forward but need a listening
ear feel free to contact us. Sexual assault is something that happened to you,
it, does not define you. You are worthy of love and happiness. You are a
strong, beautiful, intelligent woman who has suffered a trauma through no fault
of your own. You are not guilty of any crime, something was done to you against
your will. Always remember that you are not alone, that you have nothing to be
ashamed of. We are taking the baby steps necessary to make it better for all. KNOW
YOU HAVE A SUPPORT GROUP IN PROSAF.
On 14th February 2013 we will be
hosting the ONE BILLION RISING EVENT in the Derek Walcott Square from 12-5pm.
The ONE BILLION RISING EVENT is a global event taking place all over the world
on that day. The event is aimed at taking a stance against violence against
women. We ask that you join us in this fight. Come stand with us, not only as a
survivor but as someone who knows someone who has been violated, or someone who
sees the need for a change in our culture. Stand for those who are too afraid,
rise for those who need our help. The attitude towards violence against women
on island needs to change, that
can only happen with your help.
We can be
contact by via the information below:
Telephone: 1-758-724-9991(sue)1-758-723-6466(vel)
Face book:
PROSAF- Surviving Sexual Abuse
in the Caribbean
PROSAF_ThePower OfOne
Twitter:
@Prosaf_Sueezzy
@VelikaLawrence
Website:
http://www.prosaf.org
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