Fighters

The fight against sexual abuse has been a long standing one. We grew up in a society where at times these crimes were accepted but most times they were simply over looked. We were told by society, by family, by friends, by the law that these crimes were of no importance, that we should shut up and continue on in silence. That as we grew we would get over it, that we would forget. Those of us who have been victimized know that forgetting is not something that happens, that it takes time and help to get over it, that we need support and help. These crimes were not our fault, we did not instigate, we did not entice, we did not enjoy and we did not want it. Women over the years have been fighters; we fought to get to where we are today; there is a lot of room for growth, there is much to be done in terms of dealing with crimes of this nature, but we have to continue the fight, we have to stand up and shout to be heard. We have to stop being silent. We have opinions, we are in control and we have a say in what happens to our bodies and how we should be treated. We have to fight to see the changes we want. We have to fight......

Private Practice

I want firstly to wish everyone a Merry Xmas and A Happy New Year. I want to thank all of you for being part of this journey with me. I am not sure how many of you watch Private Practice but this season shows one of the stars of the episode being raped. It shows how she deals with it and how it affects her. check it out; season 4 episodes 7-10 thus far. I haven't watched 9 and 10 yet but the episodes all deal with her assault.

Information

Sexual abuse has, to put it mildly, upset the lives of many women, children and men for quite sometime now. WE have looked to the law in hopes that someday things would get better, that there would be a change and that those who abused us would be punished. This has not been the case in many situations. I know that there are those of us who have repressed everything for as long as our sub-conscious would allow; some of us have gotten help from competent individuals and some of us are still drifting in the wind trying to find a place to anchor and hopefully blossom. Repressing and ignoring what happened to us only lasts for so long. I know, because my time is up and it has come back full force. I can only urge you to find a way to deal with it. WE have the rape crisis center here that you can contact : 45-36848/453-1521. And if you just want to get it out, to say something without having anyone know you can email me. You can do it anonymously; create an email address that you can use only for speaking about this : ssaitco@hotmail.com.Please also feel free to join my page on freeforums:http://survivingsexualabuse.freeforums.org/index.php .  I know what a burden it is you are carrying because I carry it everyday myself. I know that you can’t seek help until you are ready. I know what it feels like to want to escape and that may work for sometime but our memories and thoughts tend to follow us wherever we go. WE have to be the people who fight for ourselves. WE have to be the people who fight for victims and their rights. WE have to be the people who help others feel safe about coming forward. WE know what it is like to have to carry this on our own; we have help make others feel safe coming forward. WE have to start the mending process together. WE have to start somewhere and who better to do this than us. WE have the desire and drive to fight for a change in how women are viewed, treated and protected.

Not to Blame

For the most part I find myself wrestling with whether or not I made the right decision and the more I think about it, the clearer it becomes that I made the right decision. I have immersed myself over the past few months in books about sexual abuse. The more I read, the more I am realizing that it, this thing that happened to us, was never our fault, we did not entice, seduce, or willing consent to what was done to us. It was forced upon us. And the truth is that they were older so they knew better; they knew what they were doing was wrong hence the threats of violence or shame if we dared talk. It was a choice that was made by the abuser to abuse. We never had a choice in the matter. Yes, we were stripped of our rights to say no, we were stripped of our innocence, our feelings of trust and safety in this world were imploded. Their excuses are nothing but hot air; an attempt to make us feel equally as culpable as they are. But we are not to blame; we did not ask for this, we did not want it; our tears, our pleas, our blank stares, our fractured body’s and minds are the result of what we were forced to endure; some of us at too young an age. Men & Women, Young Boys & Girls, Teenage Boys & Girls, Old Men & Women, have no excuse when they chose to abuse anyone, when they force themselves on someone. So why as a society don’t we fight more for those who have survived this ordeal, why do we make excuses for the abuser, why do we blame the abusee? We had our lives turned upside down and inside out, we have to deal with the repercussions of their actions everyday. This battle is not one we can afford to lose.

Our Voices

WE have not come very far in our thought process on sexual abuse or on how survivors should deal with what they have been through. You would think as a society, as women, as men who have children and boys who have sisters that we would want to see justice for those who have been abused. Instead we find ways to make them feel that it was in someway their fault, we make excuses for their abusers. WE tell survivors that they should not speak about what happened; WE tell them that they would be ruining the life of the abuser or the family if they decided to speak out. WE tell the survivor that caring about how what happened to her is secondary to how it affects everyone else. When will women who chose to speak out about their abuse be supported? When will their abusers be punished accordingly? When will we all stop making excuses for the crimes they committed? Sexual abuse is a serious problem; that is only made more difficult by how society reacts to incidences of these crimes. How many of us would leave our children in the room with someone who has a history of being sexually abusive?

Our Fight

I studied Psychology to understand what had happened to me and what is still happening to me. No I am not still being abused by my brother but yes I am still a victim of what he did to me. Those of us who made it out of the abuse are survivors in many ways. We are alive, we have grown up and go through everyday trying to push through. I am still a victim, In many ways I am still paralyzed by what has happened to me. It has been said that “Admitting is the first step to recovery” so I am admitting that in many ways I am still broken. I have not understood, I do not understand. I know the facebook page has mainly been me communicating and that is ok because I know the rest of you who are survivors of childhood sexual abuse are reading and at least you know you are not alone. That there are others who feel and react in many of the same ways you do. I want us, women, from everywhere, but primarily Caribbean women to be strong. I want us to realize that if we push forward we can help things change, that we have to start making changes because if not we are condemning our children and grand children to the same environment we grew up in. An environment where women are not valued, where men can beat women and get away with it or be charged a nominal fee, where the laws for women are pretty much non-existent because if they existed women would feel safer coming forward. We have to demand change; our fore mothers fought for some of the rights that we now enjoy. It is our duty to continue the fight for those that follow. I have spoken about seeing what I can do to make a difference but I to am guilty of not really making the move. The time for being proactive is now and if I have to start this battle on my own, I will. I know in time the rest of you will join.

Baby Steps

Talking about this has been the hardest thing I have ever had to undertake. Putting yourself out there and telling people one of your darkest most shameful secrets is by no means easy. So, please believe me when I tell you I know how hard it is. Not many of us have anyone we can turn to, the people we expect to understand and stand by us usually let us down. We have to want to make it better, we have to want to deal with it; because as history has shown me; not very many will be there to help you. You have to want to get better. Just always know there is a family of females out there who will hold your hand and help you out. We know what it feels like and we will be there always. Do not let anyone make you feel guilty for taking steps to lighten the weight you have been carrying.