How GOLDEN is SILENCE?

For so many reasons we chose to remain silent. Initially the silence is forced on us; by our abusers, then our family, friends, society. We chose to remain silent because we are afraid, because we want to please those around us, to fall into the normal rules of our society. But then it happens and you begin to embrace the silence; you begin to realize that the choice to speak is yours. You begin to learn that you have a voice and that you can use it whenever you want. Bit by bit you start sounding the words out, so much of it sounds strange, but you begin to recognize the strength in your words. When the time comes you begin to shout out about your pain & suffering, you share what helped you get through the many years in forced silence; THEN when you're ready, when you marry the voice with the image - you share your story. The SILENCE that was forced on you for many years doesn't have to destroy you. Your CHOICE, Your VOICE, Your DECISION.

What you Deserve

Silence has for sometime been our cloak of necessity. We have for some time had no option but to keep everything that was done to us to ourselves. We have had to suffer in silence alone, fearing the repercussions if we told. We no longer have to be silent, we no longer have to keep their secrets. There is nothing to feel ashamed or guilty about. Sexual Violence is not something you brought upon yourself, it was not something you chose, it was not something you enjoyed (even though at times your body may betrayed you), you were not an active participant in your assault. Take the time to congratulate yourself for surviving, for making it through each and everyday with all that you were carrying. Don't be hard on yourself for your coping mechanisms, you did what you needed to help you survive. It is not time to move from survival mode to a journey to healing. The coping mechanisms you used in the beginning that are unhealthy begin to replace with more healthy alternatives. Find you voice and let you voice be heard. Speak what you have wanted to for years, release your pent up feelings and begin to put yourself first. Believe that you are worthy of a life that is happy, believe that you deserve better than the hand you have been dealt. YOU ARE BRAVE, WORTHY & STRONGER THAN YOU REALIZE. Celebrate Sexual Assault Prevention & Awareness month with us. FIND YOUR VOICE. USE IT TO PROPEL YOURSELF TO GREATER HEIGHTS. BEGIN YOUR HEALING JOURNEY.

Trust & Abandonment

To many those two words don’t carry much weight. We hear them and ascribe the normal meanings to them. Trust defined as being able to place confidence in or rely on someone, a belief in someone or something. Abandonment the relinquishing, withdrawal, discarding, disowning of someone or something. These two words may not conjure up any images or feelings for the typical individual. For survivors/victims of sexual violence; these words do the opposite; they bring back painful memories, emotions and thoughts.

For many survivors they remember the trust they had in the individual who violated them. They remember relying on that individual, believing in them and at times confiding in them only to have them take advantage of you. Survivors of sexual violence very often have a problem trusting people in the future. Many question how they can ever trust again, why should they after being hurt repeatedly. Abandonment issues run deep with survivors. For many they were either abandoned prior to the sexual assault leaving room for the abuse to occur or they were abandoned directly after. Many survivors aren't supported when the choice is made to break their silence. Many are faced with rejection from those closest too them, many are forced into silence to ensure their hurt and pain doesn’t shame the family.

The lack of Abandonment and Trust follow survivors into adulthood and their adult relationship’s as many aren’t able to seek the help/ support needed. In order for a survivor to be given a chance at a more healthy life there needs to be more aid and support. The issues that arise from being abandoned and having one’s trust broken need to be addressed. The issues that arise out of one having suffered sexual violence are lasting, they follow a survivor from the moment the act is committed until it is address. Facing the issues and acknowledging how one has been affected after being sexually assaulted is the 1^st step. The road to recovery is not without more pain but the end result is worth it.  Let us begin the healing process.

The Ambiguity of the Attack

How many times have you sat back and wondered whether you had just been sexually assaulted? For many the question of what happened and whether you were in part to blame leaves them feeling very confused about where the blame should fall. So let’s clarify a few things; (1) you never cause anyone to assault you, (2) by saying NO, no matter whether you shout it or mutter it, if he continues then it’s rape, (3) fighting back or failing to, doesn't mean that you wanted it, (4) having gone out with the individual and him having spent money on you doesn’t make him entitled to your body, (5) participating in any sexual act prior to a rape or sexual assault doesn’t mean that you gave consent. Many survivors have been told by their abusers that they were in some way culpable in the act, they someone brought this upon themselves and ultimately wanted to be sexually assaulted. Understand that when your abuser or some ignorant individual tries to place the blame on you they are giving you abuser an excuse. Know that these phrases and comments are disclaimers aimed at diminishing your memory and feelings of what happened.

Many men will blame you for the sexual assault by trying to insinuate that you didn’t do enough to stop them or did something to lead them on. It is an intimidation factor, a way to silence you and make you question your judgment. Violent Sexual Acts against women is a problem too many are faced with. It is scary to think that we have a greater chance of being raped than of falling victim to many other crimes. We live in a culture, that not only makes rape jokes but stands with the abusers. We embrace the rape myths in an attempt to reduce the effects of what occurred. I will keep reiterating that your clothing, your level of intoxication, your relationship, your actions do not allow for you to be forcibly attacked or penetrated or for it to be ok. The Ambiguity that you feel is a bit of denial that you have fallen victim to this crime. We are hard on ourselves; why didn't we see the monster that sat with us, how could we be so fooled? RAPIST is not written on anyone’s forehead, there was no way you could’ve known.                         

We, at PROSAF, have acknowledged that may survivors feel a great sense of ambiguity about the their sexual assault; many are unsure what happened, how it happened so quickly, and whether they brought it on themselves. Violence against women is never ok, it is huge problem within St.Lucia and the wider Caribbean. We are here to educate and validate your feelings about your assault. Trust yourself and your feelings. We are always here to listen and if you are not ready to come forward but need a listening ear feel free to contact us. Sexual assault is something that happened to you, it, does not define you. You are worthy of love and happiness. You are a strong, beautiful, intelligent woman who has suffered a trauma through no fault of your own. You are not guilty of any crime, something was done to you against your will. Always remember that you are not alone, that you have nothing to be ashamed of. We are taking the baby steps necessary to make it better for all. KNOW YOU HAVE A SUPPORT GROUP IN PROSAF.

On 14^th February 2013 we will be hosting the ONE BILLION RISING EVENT in the Derek Walcott Square from 12-5pm. The ONE BILLION RISING EVENT is a global event taking place all over the world on that day. The event is aimed at taking a stance against violence against women. We ask that you join us in this fight. Come stand with us, not only as a survivor but as someone who knows someone who has been violated, or someone who sees the need for a change in our culture. Stand for those who are too afraid, rise for those who need our help. The attitude towards violence against women on  island needs to change, that can only happen with your help. 

We can be contact by via the information below:

Email:ssaitco@hotmail.com - thepowerofone_v@hotmail.com

Telephone: 1-758-724-9991(sue)1-758-723-6466(vel)

Face book:

PROSAF- Surviving Sexual Abuse in the Caribbean 

PROSAF_ThePower OfOne

Twitter: 

@Prosaf_Sueezzy

@VelikaLawrence

Website: 

http://www.prosaf.org

Violence Against Women - One Billion Rising

Violence against women is an epidemic plaguing the world. Women are raped, tortured, molested, sold, beaten, KILLED on an hourly basis and we all seem to turn a blind eye to the hurt and pain they are enduring. It seems that so many have come to condone and accept that women will be ill treated and discarded at the discretion of the male gender. We hear the constant incidents of rape, assault, murder, threats and we are still able to blame the survivor. What did you do to cause this? How did you lead him on? How many more victims do we have to add to the current statistics before we acknowledge the problem and take action to change?

Violence against women has been a problem for many years. It appears that although times have changed, the way the woman is viewed and treated has not. Condoning the actions of a rapist, molester, batterer make you an accessory to the crime. Looking the other way makes you as guilty as the one committing the crime. We have to let go of the common phrase that it is not my business. Our human right is to be safe and secure in our bodies, your human duty is to protect those around you from being used, ill-treated and abused. We expect that someone would aid us if we were being attacked so why are we not willing to do the same for others? Why is it so easy to blame the victim and assume the assault against her was her vault? Why are we not asking her abuser what made him believe it was ok to force himself on someone who said no, laid still and didn't react, fought back, said no, please stop, when did it become ok to force and threaten someone into submission? Why is that never one of the 1^st questions asked of the one committing the assault? Why is his character not attacked? It is baffling that after a sexual assault, a survivor comes forth, and they would be blamed for causing this heinous act against themselves. NO-ONE ASKES TO BE VIOLATED.

We, at PROSAF, have acknowledged that violence against women is a problem in St.Lucia and the wider Caribbean. We are here to begin the metamorphosis that is desperately needed. We are always here to listen and if you are not ready to come forward but need a listening ear feel free to contact us. Sexual assault is something that happened to you, it, does not define you. You are worthy of love and happiness. You are a strong, beautiful, intelligent woman who has suffered a trauma through no fault of your own. You are not guilty of any crime, something was done to you against your will. Always remember that you are not alone, that you have nothing to be ashamed of. We are taking the baby steps necessary to make it better for all. KNOW YOU HAVE A SUPPORT GROUP IN PROSAF.

On 14^th February 2013 we will be hosting the ONE BILLION RISING EVENT in the Derek Walcott Square from 12-5pm. The ONE BILLION RISING EVENT is a global event taking place all over the world on that day. The event is aimed at taking a stance against violence against women. We ask that you join us in this fight. Come stand with us, not only as a survivor but as someone who knows someone who has been violated, or someone who sees the need for a change in our culture. Stand for those who are too afraid, rise for those who need our help. The attitude towards violence against women on  island needs to change, that can only happen with your help. 

We can be contact by via the information below:

Email:ssaitco@hotmail.com - thepowerofone_v@hotmail.com

Telephone: 1-758-724-9991(sue)1-758-723-6466(vel)

Face book:

PROSAF- Surviving Sexual Abuse in the Caribbean 

PROSAF_ThePower OfOne

Twitter: 

@Prosaf_Sueezzy

@VelikaLawrence

Website: 

http://www.prosaf.org

The Journey

The sexual assault of women is an issue faced by many worldwide. Many focus on the heinous sexual assault crimes, and ignore the incidents they believe aren’t jaw dropping enough. I speak for all survivors when I say that any story we have to tell is valid and important to us. Every story is significant and powerful to the survivor, every story has impacted that person’s life in ways you will never be able to fully understand. Seuxal assault is not something to be trivialized or sensationalized; it is a very real and damaging thing that has happened to many men and women around the world.
Last year many of you joined us in our endeavor to make St.Lucia a better place for survivors. We want to thank you all for participating in the study. We understand that it was and is difficult to address this issue and so for those of you who wanted to help but were not ready we also understand. We never want anyone to feel pressured to help or unhappy because they are not ready to speak up. Sexual Assault is a very taboo subject in St.Lucia, for a very long time it was a topic that was never discussed and as such, many of you have buried it and been silenced for so long that speaking about it is scary. We understand, it took us, Velika and myself, a long time to come forward with our stories and so we know what you are going through. We at PROSAF are going to continue to help survivors. We are going to continue to work towards making it better for survivors of sexual assault on island.

The journey to healing from sexual assault is not by any means an easy one. We have started a rape support group and would like those of you who are willing and ready to start to contact us. We are always here to listen and if you are not ready for group but need a listening ear feel free to contact us. Sexual assault is something that happened to you, it does not define you. You are a strong, beautiful, intelligent woman who has suffered a trauma through no fault of your own. You are not guilty of any crime, something was done to you against your will. Always remember that you are not alone, that you have nothing to be ashamed of. We are taking the baby steps necessary to make it better for all. KNOW YOU HAVE A SUPPORT GROUP IN PROSAF.
We can be contact by via the information below:
Email:ssaitco@hotmail.com - thepowerofone_v@hotmail.com
Telephone: 1-758-724-9991(sue)1-758-723-6466(vel)
Face book:
PROSAF- Surviving Sexual Abuse in the Caribbean
PROSAF_ThePower OfOne
Twitter:
@Prosaf_Sueezzy
@VelikaLawrence
Website:
http://www.prosaf.org/

Sexual Assault - What Is It ?????

How many times have you asked the question was I just sexually assaulted? How many times have you thought, this doesn't feel right but were unsure of what just transpired? There are the blatant overt acts that we all know of as sexual assault but it is the ones that receive less attention that leave us questioning whether or not we were actually sexually assaulted. “Sexual Assault and abuse is any type of sexual activity that you do no agree to, including: inappropriate touching, vaginal, anal, oral penetration, sexual intercourse that you say no to, rape, attempted rape, child molestation. Sexual Assault can be verbal, visual, or anything that forces a person to join in unwanted sexual contact or attention.”(Womenshealth.gov) So many don’t know where to turn when unsure as to whether or not they have been victimized. If it feels wrong then it probably was, trust your instincts, trust your judgment, you know when something feels wrong.

Sexual Assault is very difficult to deal with and address. Knowing whether or not one has been violated makes taking the next step easier. I have found that in St.Lucia we are not all aware of the various forms of sexual assault. We have been told to fear those we don’t know and to be on the look out for the male abuser. Sexual Assault is usually perpetrated by someone known to you, and while the larger majority of sexual assaults are perpetrated by males, females can and do commit sexual assaults. We ask that if you are unsure whether you were sexually assaulted, that you contact us and ask any questions you may have. Part of what we are trying to do is not only raise awareness and provide information but to educate and provide support. We know that many are concerned with confidentiality and we want to reiterate that with us you need not be concerned about that. We are attempting to provide services desperately needed but not found in St.Lucia. We have started a rape support group and are opening it up to anyone who would like to seek aid on their healing journey. Many feel that they are alone on this journey, you are not sadly many around you are dealing with the some of the same things you are. Sexual assault has the distinct nature of making survivors feel alone, ashamed and guilty; we at PROSAF are here to let you know that while we can’t turn back the hands of time we can help make the future brighter. Suffering in silence is no longer the only option. Maya Angelou said” There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” You have been through enough, take the time to start moving forward and start healing. We have started conducting the second part of the study and welcome all who want to participate; we understand the strength it takes to come forward and share your story, we also understand that you may not be ready to take that step; know that we are here and that you have support. We are working  to make it better for you, for St.Lucians.

Sexual Assault is something that was done to you, you are not defined by it. There is hope for a better and brighter future. You can contact us even if you are not ready to participate in the study and only want to talk. We are here. You are not alone. We know Christmas is coming up and this can be a difficult time for some; feel free to reach out to us. 

TO THE WOMEN OF OUR COUNTRY

Sexual assault is a huge problem in St.Lucia and often it is downplayed as simply regrettable sex. We, Souyenne Dathorne & Velika Lawrence, find it necessary to encourage awareness in our community. We believe, that one of the factors affecting our society today is forced sexual intercourse. Over the past couple of years there has been quite a bit of media coverage around the issue and we would like to give you a chance to share your stories. There is strength in numbers, part of what we are hoping to accomplish is to show that you are not alone. We want to give you a chance to share your stories confidentially.

We have taken the responsibility of encouraging and demonstrating the benefits of actively fighting against sexual abuse. We understand that many people will find it impossible to speak up and speak out and protect themselves; by themselves. Our goal is to help survivors of forced sexual intercourse and to support them. We urge survivors to realize that the abuse endured, does not define you as a whole but is only part of who you are and the experiences you have lived through. We would like to empower you to speak out actively. We understand the decision to speak out is not an easy one and it is YOUR choice only, but we hope that through research we will be able to offer better resources to all who are dealing with sexual assault. We ask that you to come speak with us in a confidential environment. Our aim is to raise awareness and provide support.

We can be contact by the numbers on the bottom, through facebook or by email.

Yours Sincerely

Souyenne Dathorne & Velika Lawrence

We can be found on Face book:

PROSAF- Surviving Sexual Abuse in the Caribbean 

PROSAF_ThePower OfOne

Twitter: 

@Prosaf_Sueezzy

@VelikaLawrence

Website: 

http://www.prosaf.org

Email:

ssaitco@hotmail.com

thepowerofone_v@hotmail.com

Telephone

1-758-724-9991(sue)

1-758-723-6466(vel)

1-305-771-7019(us line)

NOT YOUR FAULT

PROSAF - SURVIVING SEXUAL ABUSE IN THE CARIBBEAN

Many have lived through unbelievable acts of sexual violence. This can be through force or lack of consent and what was done was wrong, but blame is too often placed not on the wrong-doer but on one-self. Many have been made to feel guilty, culpable, shamed for acts that were forced on you. I want you to know that none of this is your fault no matter what you were told. No one asks to be raped, molested, sexually assaulted or forced into sexual intercourse. I know how difficult it has been carrying this around with you wondering what you did to deserve this, wondering what you could have done differently; it is not your fault, there was nothing you did that caused this to happen to you. The abusers are the one at fault in all of this. While our culture isn’t one that understands what you have been through I am here to let you know that it was not your fault and you are not alone. There are many who have been through what you are going through.

Sexual Assault is a terrible thing to have to live through. But you are a survivor, and speaking out and letting it go is one step in the right direction, one step closer to taking charge of your life and moving from being a victim to a survivor. You are not alone on this journey, and remember this was never your fault.

Taking A Stance

To many of us don't get the help that we need. To many of us have no where to turn. To many of us are blamed for what was done to us. Sexual Assault - isn't something that anyone calls on themselves. It's unbelievable that someone would blame a victim for a crime like this. There has to be a time when ppl understand the nature of Sexual Assault; when ppl understand the damage is causes & the broken lives it leaves in its wake. There has to be a time when people put the blame, judgement, punishment where it's due. How can we excuse their actions, how can we blame victims. It is completely baffling as to how one can sit back and excuse the actions of a man who preys on children, who sexually abuses them. Or a man who rapes a woman, who violates her personal boundaries, who robs her of a chance of happiness. How do we excuse those people? How are we more willing to excuse their actions? How do we give them the benefit of the doubt, how do we believe a child has made this up, or seduced her abuser. That she's somehow complicit. How can we blame someone who was raped? How do we accuse her of asking for it or calling it on herself or of somehow enticing him? It is appalling that so many stand with child molesters & rapists, stand behind them proclaim their innocence or their lack of guilt even after allegations have been made. What kind of world do we live in? We question why victims don't come 4th- It is because they are blamed, it is because they stand alone, it is because they have no support. It's because we live in a society where they're allowed to roam freely. It is because society excuses their actions and blames the victims. I will continue to say that SA isn't something that we roll over and get over the after effects are lasting. Maybe people need to understand exactly what we have to deal with on a daily basis. How we feel, what we think, how we are affected. Mayb then- what more will it take to see where we are coming from; don't our stories and our cries for help & support mean anything?

Legal Support??????? Any Support?????

There are times when you sit and wonder why people prefer to remain ignorant to the pain & suffering of those who have been sexually assaulted. I am finding out more and more everyday that we are so ignorant that we don't even classify sexual offenses properly. As survivors/victims how do you think we feel? What does this say about how society views these crimes, or our pain? How can we turn to the law, why should we turn to the legal system if they can't properly define & classify sexual offenses. We live in a society that is enraged when a life is taken, enraged when property is stolen yet ambivalent when someone is sexually assaulted. I am not implying that we should be enraged when a life is taken or when something we've worked for is stolen but isn;t someone's sense of security, their innocence, soul, happiness, joy, etc equally as important? Isn't it worth ensuring they are given justice & support? Sexual abusers are takers - they take from us, they take from society, they rob us of a chance at a completely happy life & still society excuses them, stands by them & prefers to give them the benefit of the doubt at our expense. What a sad world we live in. Survivors of sexual assault live everyday with the scars left by their abusers. They live with the new wounds inflicted by family friends & society daily. They take it all - carry it all and get nothing in return for it. No-one to support them, no one to listen to them, no one to understand by them. SO much is expected from us. So much is continuously taken from us. No one considers the ramifications of their actions. Becuz they come 1st. Their feelings, their wants, their needs trump ours. So much responsibility on our shoulders. I wonder whether ppl believe that we should after all we have been through be able to carry anything. We need support, we need the listening ear, we need someone to help with the load we are carrying.

Commentary

The battle to be heard is a constant one for a survivor of Sexual Assault. Our voices help us feel a bit more in control. We have been silent for so long that not many realize how much speaking up/out helps. Silence is what has helped hurt us more all these yrs. I think it ridiculous when ppl say get over it. Look how far you've come. Don't let him ruin your life. etc - Who are you to tell me to get over it. Until you've walked in my shoes you are in no position to set a time line on my recovery. Yes I've come far inspite of what was done to me- when you stood back & did nothing to help. That doesn't mean I am not struggling with the aftereffects. Don't let him ruin you. When that was happening & for years after I was alone. A part of me has already been ruined. I, on my own, am trying to piece myself back together. I am not sure what ppl think Sexual Assault is. Sexual Assault isn't something that you walk away from unscathed. No, pieces are broken, parts are taken. We work for years to find our way back. I find that ppl do nothing to help us- they blame us for what was done to us; they silence us & then... & then they turn around and have an opinion about the state/length of our recovery. How does one refuse to believe us, but then tell us when to get over something that didn't happen. HMMM isn't that a tad bit crazy. This is a particularly angering day - all the contradictions, all the ignorance, all the threats, all the guilting, all the sacrifice. What for - so that you, those who haven't been abused/assaulted get to walk around freely commenting on something you know nothing about. You think an individual.(man/woman) is raped and society blames them, asks them if they want to report anonymously. You wonder why should they be blamed, or made to feel shameful. A child( boy/girl) is abused & then the parents do nothing to protect, they again silence them & make them feel shame. One is left to wonder, what has to happen for us to no longer be shoved into silence & shame. What has to happen so the abuser is dealt with? What has to happen so that the abused are protected & supported? How much worse does it really have to get. Currently the stats on Sexual Assault are horrendous; child abuse is ever present in the lives of our children, men and women are constantly being raped yet we prefer to be blind to what is happening around us.

The Nature of the Beast.

Silence. Be Quiet. Don’t say those things. Keep it to yourself. You are embarrassing the family. Shhhh don’t tell anyone what he did to you. Why are you out to destroy him, ruin his reputation? These are but a few of the lines that abuse victims/survivors hear on a constant basis. For many of us one if not more of these lines were recited over an over to goad us into silence and for a long time many of us complied. Even when we don’t hear those things it is implied and so we keep Silent and Suffer. When we aren’t pushed into to being Silent we are Blamed for what was done to us against our will. Why was your dress so short? What were you doing at that bar? How many drinks did you have? You went out with him- you  must have seduced him. You started he was all into it, you can’t say no after. You wanted it. You liked? And the list continues. Society has continued to Blame the Abused over the years because it appears beyond the realm of thought that we were the innocent parties that we did nothing but were assaulted. It seems that to accept that Sexual Assault is something that happens on a constant basis is outside the common realm of thought. I am not sure when we became a society that excused the behavior of those who took advantage of the innocent but it appears that is where we are now.

I have found that no matter how many women I speak to, no matter what race, age, class,etc. they all have one thing in common. They were all told - Don’t tell, remain silent. This damages more than we will ever be adequately to explain or anyone will be able to quantify. Requesting/Demanding our silence only serves to reiterate what our abusers told us - That no-one will believe,no-one will care, no-one will do anything. By keeping us silent you allow them to walk freely, you allow them to continue abusing others; you send them the message that what they are doing is ok-that it is acceptable once it remains quiet. You send us the message that we are not worth protecting, that we did something wrong, that we have something to be ashamed of. You break whatever innocence is left in us, you erode our sense of trust in people, you destroy our sense of self-worth, of self-image, of happiness. At that moment and for very long after our sense of identity, of belonging is lost. SO many of us look in the mirror and can’t marry the image with who we are; so many can’t look in the mirror. We are left afraid of our shadows and bit by bit what we fought so hard to bury starts coming back full force - you’re being punched and kicked by horrible memories in every direction. Anyone who has been sexually assaulted is left feeling vulnerable and alone, so much is taken from us in that instant; and believe me it’s not anything we ever get back. We turn for support and there is none; instead we are blamed, we are left alone to stand and deal with what has happened & what continues to happen. We are asked to understand and excuse their actions. We expect that people will understand that no woman/man/child asks to be assaulted. Do you think one walks around asking to be sexually assaulted? It appears that is where the common thought lies; what other explanation could there be for everyone’s actions. 

I want those of you who have been victimized to know that you are not alone. I want you to know that you have done nothing wrong. That what happened wasn’t your fault and contrary to popular actions & comments, you are not culpable in any of this. I know that for sometime know you have been told to BE QUIET to REMAIN SILENT, TO PROTECT YOUR ABUSER, TO REFRAIN FROM SHAMNG THE FAMILY - I am saying that it is ok to speak up; that part of recovery is releasing the secret, releasing their hold on you. We have suffered in silence for so long. It’s a hard road back- recovery isn’t easy but 1 day at a time, 1 baby-step at a time and you will make it. Know that no matter where you go or where you are, there are a family of survivors always with you, supporting you. Through time and understanding we learn how to deal with what was done to us; we learn to pin-point our triggers, to address the issues that have arisen because of what we went through. Through time we begin to love ourselves, to see the beauty in who we are, we learn that we are stronger than we ever believed, we learn to accept compliments and to believe that we are worthy of all the good things life has to offer.  Time will not heal all wounds but it will make the road to recovery easier; it will help you to start regaining control over your life. The hardest part of recovery I think, is accepting/acknowledging what was taken from you,what was done to you and coming to grips with the fact that people/family/friends didn’t support you, protect you or help you. Don’t give up on yourself.  

The Journey

Part of our journey through Childhood Sexual Abuse is about coming to terms with the fact that more wasn't done to protect us. That those who should've protected us didn't. When we start letting go of the illusions that we created we begin seeing things more clearly. It will be painful because much of what you see know is what you've been running away from for so long. There are days when it seems that you've had everything ripped from you. Sit & try to regain composure- no one can take anything from you anymore. Childhood Sexual Abuse leaves us feeling tiny and incapable of control. You are in control now. Take it 1 step at a time. Begin too see you happy & whole. You'll get there. We are not beyond hope. It feels that way alot of the time. But healing takes time. It takes time to change all the perceptions we created of others & ourselves. It's changing our mode of thought. Be patient, you will get there. Don't let the past dictate how you live in the future. Much of what we have been through & been taught was negative-devaluing-damaging. We now have the chance to teach ourselves to love who we are, to believe that we are worthy & deserve better lives that we started out with. Childhood Sexual Abuse isn't understood by many who haven't lived it- its along road to recovery but its a road that you can walk.

PROSAF

We want you all to know that we are happy that you have joined us onhttp://www.prosaf.org/; but we want this site to be not only for us and our journey to recovery & happiness but also about you and your journey. We have our ideas on what this site should have but we welcome your thoughts on what you want from us. What you would like to read. So please feel free to post and let us know your thoughts. The SSAITCO tab deals with Sexual Assault & the TTPO tab deals with ThePower OfOne. Any questions or comments can also be sent to ssaitco@hotmail.com . Thank you for joining us. PROSAF is your chance to speak up & out, to find support & resources, to find family who understands what u've been through & what you are going through. We value your input, we want it - let us know what you want us to include on the PROSAF site.

You are not alone.

The Beginning - Our Future

It’s a little over a year since the creation of the “Surviving Sexual Abuse in the Caribbean” Facebook and the power of one page https://www.facebook.com/pages/PROSAF-Surviving-Sexual-Abuse-in-the-Caribbean/165341356853908 / https://www.facebook.com/pages/PROSAF_ThePower-OfOne/167808243298256?ref=pb and about 8-10 months since the creation of the twitter pages- http://twitter.com/#!/PROSAF_Sueezzy / http://twitter.com/#!/VelikaLawrence .We have recently invested and created our own website http://www.prosaf.org/ . PROSAF - Positive Reactions Over Secrets And Fear; was created to give survivors the chance to share their stories in a supportive environment.

The creation of these sites meant having to face the fact that I was sexually abused by my older half brother, It meant understanding that I would have to face the comments and judgments that came with this decision to speak up and out about my past and how it has impacted me and continues to affect me. It meant coming to grips with the fact that society is quicker to absolve and believe those who abuse that to support and believe those who are being/have been abused. It meant understanding the grave epidemic that affects out country-sexual assault is more common than we are willing to  believe and more common than statistics show. Sexual Assault is one of the most under-reported crimes an contrary to popular belief it isn’t about sex but about power & control over another human being.  In the end the decision to do it all was worth it. There is a large part of me that feels liberated and free for taking the opportunity to do this- a chance to let other survivors know they are not alone; that we are a family of survivors, that there is hope for the future.  

I knew when I left college that I wanted to find a way to change our circumstances in St.Lucia. I wanted to actually stand up for women’s rights, for their right to freedom, to voice their opinions, for their rights to be seen and treated as individuals who are worthy, to fight for their right to be treated properly. I think speaking out allows us to take a step in the right direction; we are no longer holding onto this secret, we are no longer protecting our abusers. Speaking out also allows you to voice what happened, to face it, it helps break down some of the illusions you created that you so desperately needed to get through your horrible times. Addressing the issues that arise with Childhood Sexual Abuse, Rape & various forms of Sexual Assault isn’t easy but it is necessary. 

I fooled myself into believing that I could shut the door, not address and it would just go away but that hasn’t been the case. I can tell you that the issues that arise out of what we have been through don’t just disappear, it takes hard work and time to get through it. At some point we have to be honest with ourselves and face the harsh realities of what has been done to us. I have found that in order for us to heal we have to face it, we have to address it. That is what these sites were created to do; to give you a safe place to voice what happened to you, how you felt, how you feel, to give you the chance to be surrounded by people who went through the something similar and to be able to get resources that can help.

PROSAF- Positive Reactions Over Secrets & Fear is comprised of  2 sections SSAITCO-Surviving Sexual Abuse in The Caribbean and  ThePower Ofone created by Velika Lawrence- below she explains in her own words what ThePower Ofone is.  ThePower Ofone refers to the idea that each individual and each single family unit are capable and have a responsibility to each other, and to society as long as they are existing. Growing up under circumstances where I found herself having to adapt and move forward constantly in changing environments, I recognized that most of my peers did not have the aptitude that I did. I was fortunate enough to have parents who were committed to educating my siblings and myself  in age appropriate methods, about life and its many challenges and harsh realities. I realized that most people I grew up with did not have the advantage of understanding the value of perspective and reality, with the option of various tools for coping with emotions and facts. I have found that the majority of people in our communities are complacent and feel comfortable with being apathetic and irresponsible. This attitude and approach to life in general does promote the overall quality of life. The goal of ThePower Ofone is to encourage a more progressive perspective in all communities. There is a great need for all forms of education at all levels and ages and a need to redefine the responsibility of ever member of society; starting in the home.

The idea behind PROSAF- Positive Reactions of Secrets & Fear, was to educate, empower, support & inspire all to make change, to seek change and to understand the need for change.  Over time we have grown  connected to the triumphs over challenges faced in the family & our daily lives because of our experiences. Dealing with the feelings of fear, confusion and anger, self worth were a huge part of the steps to move forward. We have found that in seeking support from others, we came into contact with many others who have suffered similar experiences. This motivated us to be part of the change we wanted for ourselves and for others who are still trapped physically and psychologically. PROSAF is our contribution to the steps to move forward through challenges faced by the family unit and the effect of sexual abuse on a victim or survivor. 

Different Part of the Past

What Happened::Sou,28

I am a survivor of Sibling Sexual Abuse. Somedays I feel like a victim but most days I know I am a survivor. I was born in the beautiful island of St.Lucia in the Caribbean. I come from a family of 5 with my abuser being the 6th. He is my older half brother. I suffered quite a bit at his hands and have been slowly putting the pieces back together. Some days are harder than other but I know that through it all I am stronger and wiser and while he has stolen much from me; there is hope for me to be whole again. My abuse does’t define me; it is something that he did to me; it is not who I am.

I am the second child of my mother but 1st for my father. I came along and maybe stole some of his thunder. So from the age of about 4 my sexual abuse started and later included physical and psychological. My memories of what exactly were done to me when I was young have been carefully tucked away for so long that trying to get to them has been hard. I couldn’t tell you how it started but I remember the progressions. My earliest memory of something being wrong was about 4; we were playing on a bed under the sheets. I can’t tell you what exactly happened but I have the memory of someone asking what was going on and saying this would be discussed when my mom got home. I can’t tell you if the discussion ever took place I don’t remember but if it did it never stopped him if anything it made him go further. That I believe was the beginning. He would offer to read to me at nights and wait until I fell asleep to get under the covers behind me. Then he would push it between my legs from behind. I would squeeze my legs together to push it out but that never stopped him; in fact it caused him to push harder. I learned to stop and just let it happen. Once he was done he would get up and leave. I tried to fight falling asleep but he would wait until Id fallen asleep to come back. I would say I didn’t want him to read to me but then the questions would come as to why I didn’t want him reading. He was always so eager to read my parents thought it was good for us both. There is one memory that has stuck with me no matter what I do. He has me kneeling on the floor and he’s behind me- the next thing I know I have sperm running down my legs, my mom has just pulled into the drive way and he says go clean up. He walks out like nothing has happened and my mom never suspects a thing. 

The threats of being hated by my parents if I told were a constant. They will be angry at you he would say; they will never do me anything. And years after I sit and think he was right all along. They never did him anything he was never punished, never reprimanded. Im not sure what I expected but I didn’t expect him to get away with it. I confront him every chance I get; because for the most part I believe I am not believed. He used to deny it but not he just says and so what. His stories as to what happened and how many times it happened and why it happened vary constantly. Then i sit and reflect on what he’s done to me, what he’s said to me and how that has made me feel and can’t find it in me to ever forgive him.  I can’t see how anyone else can forgive him. He lives at home with my parents now; and once again it feels like I am the one who has done something wrong. My aunt has told me to stop trying to ruin his life; that I should remain silent. My cousin has said that he didn’t know what he was doing. He is 9 years older than me. That would have made him 13 when he started abusing me. And if he didn’t know then then how does he explain the next 7 years of abuse? And if he didn’t know what he was doing was wrong then why threaten me?

For a long time I have hated me. Never really felt that I fit in anywhere or that I belonged. Never thought that I was worthy of love. Never liked what I saw in the mirror when I saw anything at all. I have made my body my canvas and sought to surround myself with images of strength and beauty. I think that all of us who are survivors of sexual assault deal with these issues. We lose who we are through the abuse and have a hard time trying to find a way back. But there is always a path that leads to happiness and fulfillment. Its not always an easy road but we are survivors. We are not alone in our pursuit of happiness there are other walking beside us, ahead of us and behind us. Don’t give up or in. Our voices will lead us to freedom. We speak out to help ourselves and those around us. This is a battle for many.

I fight for women of the Caribbean who are afraid to speak out. 

Domestic Abuse, Molestation & Betrayal by Xynobia Froliquor Law

Domestic Abuse, Molestation and Betrayal1Problem(Circumstance). 2Solution(Reaction). 3Responisbility(Blame vs Acceptance). 
There is always a choice...  

1. From age 3 I can remember the tension in the house. The sadness. The fear. The anger. The Hurt. The struggle of my young mother trying to do her best with our "situation". The physical and verbal abuse meted out by my biological father to my mother finally led to the end of ten years of their marriage.
 
I was 8 when I realized what my young uncle had done was wrong even if he was 10yrs old at the time. He was also a victim of circumstances but the damage had been done.  I would pray at night for me to stop hurting myself the way he would hurt me. I struggled for years with this problem until about age 17. I was disappointed in myself, I was angry and I was scared. I felt stupid for "allowing" it to hurt me the way "i let it"- guilt. I felt I was still "better off" than many others who had actually been raped but a violation is just that, a violation.  
 
I was 18, I trusted a friend who took advantage of me in his father's house. His family was home. I was too embarrassed to say anything. I just layed there and prayed that it would be over soon. I left the house. Smiled like nothing ever happend. I was angry. Why wasnt I strong enough to fight him off? I didnt tell anyone so I would see him in common circles and was left alone with him again and he tried again. Then one day very long after I accepted a ride from him. I cant explain what I could have been hoping or thinking. There was a time when I guess I just felt that worthless. I thought I could reason with him. I don't know. Writing this years later it puzzles me. I suppose that is how low i was.
 
I was 22 when I was moving into my new apartment. I asked a "good friend" of mine to help. He took advantage of me. I did nothing. I layed there. I didnt even fight him off too much because I didnt want to make my new landlords get the wrong idea of me. Is it that I wasn't learning my lesson? Is it that men or people cannot be trusted? Out of all the people I've met, those three are the only ones who ever betrayed me in that way. I cannot go around living my life in fear. I tell myself that but at times I get paranoid about people. It twists your mind and toys with your emotions. You question your judgement. You blame yourself. 
 
I live with a diagnosis as a result of molestation which I only confirmed at age 23, because in the beginning there were no signs and I was not severly affected by it. This has caused me great distress and depression. I have gone to bed hoping never to akwaken. I have been to the lowest place in my life that I am ever going to allow my mental and emotional states to sink to. I felt totally worthless/ugly and destroyed and I WILL NEVER ALLOW ANYONE OR ANYTHING TO MAKE ME QUESTION MY WORTH AGAIN. 
 
My circumstances, like everyone else's have made me the woman I am today. I have put myself in situations that were dangerous because of my low self esteem. I have challenged myself to rise above that low consciousness. Self sabotage is very serious. I'd like to think that I'm continuing learning from the tests I been allowed to take in this life. People try to undervalue or over value what I went through for unbalanced conveniences but their negative contributions have no weight on my mind and heart. I have been cursed with a blessing; the ability to proactively and humbly seek and accept the truth- at all cost to myself. 


I am hard on the man I love because I always feel like I want to know the truth so badly. I find myself being over protective in that way. I rather live one milisecond of truth and happiness than a lifetime of false bliss. Ignorance is bliss is most definitely not my motto. I find that if someone is to live that way it simply encourages lies, and incomplete truths. I feel that if you are going to hurt me today or tomorrow, you may as well hurt me now and get it over with. This can sometimes come out like I have no patience. I dont exactly know how but I suppose it can be a bit unfair. However, it is the way I know. For me it is what works. I am willing to modify and improve but that will take time. Like everything else in life it is a process. To me there is no such thing asTMI when it comes to the people in your life who you affect or have an effect on. As relatives of each other, I feel that it is important to always be honest and open minded about our elvolving situations. It is important to ask the right questions, seek the right answers and never get complacent.
 
2. Not every circumstance has a direct solution on you. Your reaction and perception of what happens and why it happens has a lot of weight on how we cope effectively. It is a long process but it is not impossible to rise and heal. I was blessed to be raised spiritually and to have family support when I decided to finally unfold. It has been extremely hard but everyday is different.  Every step forward is progress and I will get where I need to be. Just as all of us will. The challenge is taking that first step and realizing that you are not alone. Our reactions and solutions will vary based on our peerceived ability,support and circumstance but please promise yourself to try. I dont care if you have to cry every day till you throw up like I did. YOU DESERVE MENTAL FREEDOM to take care of you. Start somewhere please.

3. Our responsibilty to ourselves is all that we have. Being a victim there is not much support or understanding at all. NO GUIDANCE...no one knows WHERE TO GO FROM HERE. You are forced to quiickly heal/get over it/move on etc. Most people on the outside looking in dont understand at all. They wish you would shut up. They want to protect themselves and a perfect concept of society. A lot of victims have LIED TO THEMSELVES AND ALLOWED THEMSELVES TO FORGET IT EVER HAPPENED. You cannot hide from youself or experiences. Please understand you are not just a victim- you are a survivor and you can grow/heal/help by being honest with yourself and others.
 
I commend anyone who is able to speak out about their unfortunate experiences period. Being a victim of sexual harassment or abuse like many circumstances, is not easy to deal with. The stages you go through are underestimated; coming to terms and accepting the reality of what happened, waking up everyday after it happened, enduring and adjusting if it is a persistent problem, finding someone to trust with your experience, actually trusting them and telling them the whole truth without trying to lie about it for fear it makes you sound remotely responsible, coping with the fact that you have just let out a big "negative truth" about yourself to someone and hoping that you can actually trust them, dealing with their reaction and using that as a basis for what other people may say or do if you told them or they found out, actually finally coping successfully and being able to separate that bad experience from other relationships. It's a continuous challenge. 
 
Society encourages fear. They want us to protect the abuser and their loved ones. That is an unfair burden to carry. We already deal the the violation; physical, mental, emotional, psychological pain and unexplainable/unjustifiable guilt. It takes a humility, courage and strength to speak out again any form of abuse.  I remember when I finally started opening up about my experiences. I found out about so many people who went through similar situations. WHY DON'T WE SPEAK?. It made me feel like hypocrite. I have a little sister, friends, family, co-workers, neighbors, (lets not leave out men and strangers). It is not your fault if someone chooses to violate you. Sadly however, it is your responsibility as a survivor to speak out about it. I know if the people who hurt me hurt someone else I would feel guilty for not giving the next person a heads up about the characteristics of the man or woman they are about to come into contact with. Yes I understand you cant save everyone but at least speaking out provides comfort and support for other people who have it worse. Know that you are not alone. It does get better and I do believe with the right support it can eventually go away. At least the day will come when it is not the first thing you wake up with on your mind.
 
I will will leave you with this as my main point. In all areas you will find people better off and worse off. Learn from the ignorant and the wise. Pray. Every step forward is progress - no matter how minimal...you are making progress nonetheless. Even when people try to put you down about your situations or try to make you feel as though you should have known better you didn't do it to yourself- THAT PERSON HAD A CHOICE -THEY NEED HELP. Learn to forgive. DO NOT FORGET. In some instances we allow people to treat us without respect. KNOW THE DIFFERENCE!- and remove yourself from a bad situation. You can have all the help and support in the world but until you love yourself...nothing can be done...
 
I dedicate my life to being a servant of the people by providing love and a listening ear...Ability without utility is waste and I am grateful to have made it this far...I only want to grow.
 
Thank you Soubi for doing this. Keep on keeping on. I appreciate your support and your daring nature. "Ever onward and upward-Ever forward and faster"(Wind In The Willows)